Invariably, when submitting sketches to open door sketch shows you are going to have the vast majority of sketches rejected (especially when the company receives 100s a week). Below is one of those sketches, submitted to a topical news show and is about the possibility of another horse meat scandal in the UK, which was announced last week:
Horse Head Revisited:
JUSTIN: Fears were spread this week when the National Audit Office reported that the government changes regarding the weakening of food controls could potentially lead to another horsemeat scandal. My god, they won’t let this go will they? They really are flogging this like a dead horse.
FX: KLAXON GOES OFF
NJ PRESENTER: Justin! You set off the horsemeat klaxon. What did we tell you?
JUSTIN: But its topical, sort of, surely that’s as good a time as any to make horsemeat jokes.
NJ PRESENTER: Yes but no one can take them anymore, the UK and Twitter were so swamped by them that the BBC, and indeed all social media introduced a law to ban all of these jokes from ever being made in public again, under penalty of death.
JUSTIN: But, this goes out on the radio tomorrow, oh god, I don’t want to die!
NJ PRESENTER: Quick! Onto the next topic before anyone notices!
JUSTIN: Good idea! In other news, John McCririck’s age discrimination claim has heated up, and here to talk about his experience is the man himself. John, how has the tribunal gone for you?
JOHN MCCRIRICK: Well, I think it’s absolutely disgraceful that it even got to this position. Surely the grand old sport of horse racing shouldn’t be influenced by something like age. But, I had the last laugh, I felt so commanding in that courtroom, I really made mincemeat out of the network.
JUSTIN: Horse Racing? Mincemeat? Oh god! We can’t have this! Sorry John, were going to have to cut this interview off.
What else do we have? Um. Oh yes. A horse ran amok this week in a Birmingham hotel, knocking over plants and kicking dents in the wall, the police have noted that the creature was found to be horsing around. Ahaha see. Nothing to worry about. No food-based puns there.
NJ PRESENTER: Um, Justin? That horse had to be put down. It’s not a laughing matter.
JUSTIN: Shhh! We’ve got to stay away from the horse scandals!
What else do we have? Horse gets £5.25 million at auction, 6 people arrested in illegal horse-racing ring. Aren’t there any stories which don’t concern horses?
NJ VOICE-OVER: Warning: NewsJack may contain up to 60% horsejokes.
FX: HORSEMEAT KLAXON GOES OFF. THE STUDIO SOUNDS LIKE IT HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN ALMOST IMMEDIATELY
JUSTIN: Oh great. Now our shows been put down. SHUT DOWN! I mean shut down.
Bugger.
Note to self: Think of a witty, original title. 