Being a NewsJacker

Since six weeks ago, I have been taking part in writing sketches and one-liners for the radio 4 extra show NewsJack in the hope that something I write may be transmitted on national radio. As this was my first attempt at writing 3 topical sketches a week, every week, it was good news to learn that something I wrote was recorded but sadly edited out. But looking back at my scripts, even though there has been a big improvement from week one, I still believe I have a lot of work to do to make them flow easier and to maintain the level of humour throughout.

“But of course you do, you haven’t made it into any final edits yet” I hear you cry. Well, yes, uh. I can’t really dispute that.

Shhh.

All in all though, it’s a fantastic way to get your feet wet in the whole sketch writing trade, even though the chances of getting anything on are very small (I think I read somewhere they can get upwards of 600 individual entries a week, although I could be just talking hyperbole) it forces you to write to a strict deadline and when the show comes around, if you listen to the show (without breaking down in tears that one of your sketches didn’t make it – don’t worry, we’ve all done it. We have haven’t we guys? Guys? Come on. Back me up here.) you can pick up so many handy tips for the best way to write for radio comedy, and can see what people are doing which you aren’t.

Of course the series isn’t over yet. I sent in my last sketches this morning after an all night procrastination session. NFL is my kryptonite. GO 49ers!

Of course now in my world of scripting is a 12-part satire I am attempting to write. The first episode is basically down, it’s just a case of continuous editing until I’m happy to send it off to some agents.

Well. Why shouldn’t I?

NewsJack Series 9: Episode 5 reject

Invariably, when submitting sketches to open door sketch shows you are going to have the vast majority of sketches rejected (especially when the company receives 100s a week). Below is one of those sketches, submitted to a topical news show and is about the possibility of another horse meat scandal in the UK, which was announced last week:

Horse Head Revisited:

JUSTIN: Fears were spread this week when the National Audit Office reported that the government changes regarding the weakening of food controls could potentially lead to another horsemeat scandal. My god, they won’t let this go will they? They really are flogging this like a dead horse.

FX: KLAXON GOES OFF

NJ PRESENTER: Justin! You set off the horsemeat klaxon. What did we tell you?

JUSTIN: But its topical, sort of, surely that’s as good a time as any to make horsemeat jokes.

NJ PRESENTER: Yes but no one can take them anymore, the UK and Twitter were so swamped by them that the BBC, and indeed all social media introduced a law to ban all of these jokes from ever being made in public again, under penalty of death.

JUSTIN: But, this goes out on the radio tomorrow, oh god, I don’t want to die!

NJ PRESENTER: Quick! Onto the next topic before anyone notices!

JUSTIN: Good idea! In other news, John McCririck’s age discrimination claim has heated up, and here to talk about his experience is the man himself. John, how has the tribunal gone for you?

JOHN MCCRIRICK: Well, I think it’s absolutely disgraceful that it even got to this position. Surely the grand old sport of horse racing shouldn’t be influenced by something like age. But, I had the last laugh, I felt so commanding in that courtroom, I really made mincemeat out of the network.

JUSTIN: Horse Racing? Mincemeat? Oh god! We can’t have this! Sorry John, were going to have to cut this interview off.

What else do we have? Um. Oh yes. A horse ran amok this week in a Birmingham hotel, knocking over plants and kicking dents in the wall, the police have noted that the creature was found to be horsing around. Ahaha see. Nothing to worry about. No food-based puns there.

NJ PRESENTER: Um, Justin? That horse had to be put down. It’s not a laughing matter.

JUSTIN: Shhh! We’ve got to stay away from the horse scandals!

What else do we have? Horse gets £5.25 million at auction, 6 people arrested in illegal horse-racing ring. Aren’t there any stories which don’t concern horses?

NJ VOICE-OVER: Warning: NewsJack may contain up to 60% horsejokes.

FX: HORSEMEAT KLAXON GOES OFF. THE STUDIO SOUNDS LIKE IT HAS BEEN SHUT DOWN ALMOST IMMEDIATELY

JUSTIN: Oh great. Now our shows been put down. SHUT DOWN! I mean shut down.

Bugger.

Debut post!

This is entirely new to me, so I’m not exactly sure on the correct etiquette, but here we go:

“Hello, pleased to meet you, *shakes hand* the weathers terrible today isn’t it”

There, hopefully that wasn’t too awkward for you.

So about me, I’m a 22 year old graduate, not completely sure where to go in my life besides from a few pipe dreams: (comedy, poker, music – but only if I can find people who are into modern progressive rock, which to be fair, in Devon, isn’t likely to happen – I say that living within ten minutes of where Muse formed)

There are a couple of degree related jobs which I have found interesting, but never get an interview in any of them, so until I get a job in something that interests me, I will be using this blog to upload sketches (which I hope will get me contacts within the industry and like minded people), poker updates (I am currently undertaking a 44 to 1000 dollar challenge) and album reviews, and possibly some covers if I can be bothered to record myself on the guitar, although if people request a song I will be obliged to make a video.

Anyway that’s my life summed up in two paragraphs, (oh god, only two?) how about we go grab a red berry muffin and a Darjeeling…